I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
