I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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