I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
