I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
