If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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