I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
