Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
