Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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