Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
