Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
