there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize