Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
