Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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