Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
