You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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