I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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