my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
