what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
