I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i drank out of a bidet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
