I'm really into asian looking animals
from now on my penis is your penis
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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