we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
