God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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