No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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