so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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