i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is the high leading the old right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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