i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
