My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
