Whod you bang
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
