Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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