I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
