I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Someone signed my nipple.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
