saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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