Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
