they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
