I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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