I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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