I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
