wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
