make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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