he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
