his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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