He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
