my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
