remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
