Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
