Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
