Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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