I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
