i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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