Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
