Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
