apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
