i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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