So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
