based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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