the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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