Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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