What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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