I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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