just tell him i said nine months
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
