She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
