When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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