That's when you crack a 10am beer
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So squirting runs in the family.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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