All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize