Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
